Ad copy contest continues…
“1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”
That’s rule #1 from Dale Carnegie’s 1936 best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. (That link is a nice quick summary of its points.)
That’s us, isn’t it? Aren’t we in the business of making friends and influencing people? -Influencing people to buy or join the business?
Yet how many of us start the sales process by criticizing our very own prospects?
I’m running an ad copy contest here; about 36 responses so far. No winner has been announced yet.
Please review the submissions here (in comments) and answer these two questions:
1. How many ads criticize the potential prospect right off? Or somehow condemn an imagined prospect?
2. How many seek to find like-minded folks by describing themselves, per the examples in the contest post? E.g. “Athletic math nerd seeking someone to hum Seinfeld intro music with.”
Contestants: You are welcome to resubmit your entry below. I suggest you not include your real phone number. Too high pressure. Use email. Remember everyone knows you are selling so they’ll be hesitant to call. Plus this forum is open to the world. And most are not the right ones.
—
Learn to write a key person ad like I did for $37. Use New School principles. Not $97. It’s $37 here for the 3-CD set. Check it out first so you see what you get. MP3s here ($25)
Are You a Candle Lover?
We are looking for people who love to burn candles.
If wonderful smells, even burning, practically no soot gourmet candles turn you off…don’t call, it may not be a good match.
If on the other hand you love the above…send an E-Mail to mycandles@sozomax.com, We will contact you within 24 to 48 hours.
Matthew Adams
Your Candle Connection
Matthew:
This is still about them. Not you. You’re also expressly excluding people, which is not the idea. See that?
You also look a bit overanxious with that last line.
🙂
Product ad:
Trouble Sleeping?
Using habit forming drugs and concerned, like I used to be? I used to toss & turn every night until I found this delicious juice that helped to adjust my sleep cycle. Works for me – maybe you, too. Curious?
karenohandley@cox.net
Karen…better for sure. Some tips:
You are still not describing yourself in the header. Nothing wrong with this header, just the exercise is lead with a header about you. Like the athletic math nerd did.
“delicious juice” smacks of seller talk. When you are selling something (that you make money on), the more you say how amazing it is, the less credible your words are – since people know you are selling it. Let others do that kind of talking who do not have an agenda.
The “curious?” is over kill. If they are, assume they’ll know and email you.
🙂
Okee-dokey…how’s this Kim?
Trouble Sleeping, like me?
Using habit forming drugs and concerned, like I used to be? I used to toss & turn every night until I found this juice that helped to adjust my sleep cycle. Works for me – maybe you, too.
karenohandley@cox.net
Wow! Thank you for this challenge! I see where my first ad completely bombed. I have found it was a lot easier to write though than the revised version below sticking with the first rule of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. (Which I just started reading recently.)
In the revised version below I have tried not to criticize, condemn or complain. Is it any better?
“If you don’t mind working hard for little pay in the beginning in order to enjoy high pay for little work later, and if you have the patience and perserverance to stick it out then you are exactly the person I am looking for. Because you exhibit the qualities of an entrepreneur. Contact me if this describes you.”
Ilka Flood
http://www.JustDoItWithBooks.com
Oops! Forgot the header.
Sounds like YOU?
My product ad:
My dogs drool over this food
This is a healthy dog food for health-conscious dog lovers who:
Know nutrition is very important for the dog’s whole health.
Know dogs are not getting healthy nutrition with many mass-marketed foods.
Want a highly concentrated dog food made with human quality ingredients.
Want dog food that’s fresh with nothing artificial.
Want to buy from people whose whole lives revolve around healthy dogs.
Contact me for a consultation or sample of this dog food.
Robin@healthypetnut.com
It seems that the posts for the ad contest may have been criticizing and condemning people because the contest was announced at the end of a post talking about excluding people. Maybe the thought was that you were advocating excluding people (and you were) and that completely discouraging those who were not right from the outset was the way to do it. Instead it seems that you wanted us to exclude by calling for only people who were of like mind to us, i.e. describing someone similar to us. Just my impression – I could be wrong.
That being said, I thought there were a few ads that sounded good, and more here (above).
Just my $0.02 worth.
My business ad:
Healthy pets are my business
I’m a healthy pet nut seeking a pet professional to introduce and market dog and cat food in the Twin Cities area.
Idea candidate must be a pet lover, share your home with pets and be involved with them daily. The right person will use this product and market it with honesty based on their results. Must be knowledgeable about pet foods being mass-marketed and understand the benefits of a natural human quality pet food. Only people passionate about healthy pets considered.
robin@healthypetnut.com
So grateful for your feedback, Kim. Here’s another Product ad:
Not a Morning Person, Like Me?
I used to feel like I couldn’t wake up & get going. But I don’t like sugary sweet energy drinks or drinking a pot of coffee. Then I found this herbal tonic & my constant yawning stopped, finally. Works for me, every morning. Maybe you, too.
karenohandley@cox.net
Everyone’s getting better, this is good.
Suzanne: the ad samples excluded folks without expressly doing so. For example, the math nerd didn’t write:
“If you don’t love math and aren’t athletic, this isn’t for you.”
The guy wrote:
“Athletic math nerd seeks someone to…”
So it is in the precise description OF HIMSELF ONLY (“athletic math nerd” that he excluded people.
Non athletic people with no interest in math would likely not respond. But he didn’t have to say those words. He excluded the right people by defining himself.
Contrast that exclusion idea (to get only right ones) to what they teach at every networking company: “Share the business opportunity and product with everyone!”
The idea of leading with your own hot button, i.e. YOU, is very difficult for sales people, and especially network marketers, to do.
The mindset of someone in their seller shoes is always about selling the business opportunity or product, rather than describing oneself well enough and precisely enough to attract similar people to oneself. Like the “Athletic math nerd” ad example.
Hope that helps…
Robin: make yours half the number of words now…
Karen: try a header where you only describe yourself, not the prospect.
Matthew, your header is still about them, not you.
Ilka: not sure I understand what your header is?
Hehehe.
Healthy pets are my business
Healthy pet nut seeks a pet professional to market dog and cat food in the Twin Cities area. Ideal candidate must be involved with pets daily. Must be knowledgeable about pet food and know the benefits of a natural human quality pet food.
robin@healthypetnut.com
My product:
My dogs drool over this food
This is a healthy dog food for health-conscious dog lovers who:
Want a healthy, all-natural dog food. Know nutrition is very important for the dog’s health. Want to buy from people whose whole lives revolve around healthy dogs.
Contact me for a consultation or sample of this dog food.
Robin@healthypetnut.com
Ok Kim…how’s this:
Mornings are Better for Me
I used to feel like I couldn’t wake up & get going. But I don’t like sugary sweet energy drinks or drinking a pot of coffee. Then I found this herbal tonic & my constant yawning stopped, finally. Works for me, every morning. Maybe you, too. karenohandley@cox.net
p.s. I’m trying to figure how to use an HTML tag to BOLD some of my posts. But when I do it, my post will not submit until I take off the tags. Also would like to know how to hyperlink my email address on my posts. Can anyone provide step-by-step instructions? Thanks so much! Karen
Another Product ad:
My Sleep Wasn’t Refreshing
I used to be a light sleeper, tossing & turning & not getting sleepy until the wee hours. Then I found this juice that helped to adjust my sleep cycle. Now I finally go to bed at a decent hour & sleep deeply. What if it works for you the way it works for me?karenohandley@cox.net
OK Kim,
I’ll try again. I appreciate your feed back.
Product Ad:
Discerning buyers.
High quality, earth friendly
products. Certified Organic
to the highest international
food standards. Skin, hair, body,
cosmetic, nutritional and
household cleaning products.
elyorganics[at]gmail[dot]com
Sponsoring Ad:
Passionately Organic.
Wanted: key person interested
in making a difference.
3000% growth in company sales for the past two years. Now is your
chance to make a real difference
in the lives of many…including
your own.
elyorganics[at]gmail[dot]com
Regards,
Erin Ely
http://www.elyorganics.com
Have You Tried Everything Out There and Still Feel Unhealthy?
Introducing Nutrition in a Capsule. Test It for Yourself and Feel The Difference
Go to http://www.NutritionInACapsule.com or Call 1-800-EZ-Nutrition 24/7/365
I Love candles
But I use to get so bummed out when I bought a great smelling candle only to find out it did not smell the same when I burned it.
I love wonderful smells and I found some candles that not only smelled great but it was even burning, and practically no soot.
If you love the above…send an E-Mail to mycandles@sozomax.com.
Matthew Adams
Your Candle Connection
Okay, Kim, let me work on that header ;o)
My Business Ad:
Don’t Mind Hard Work, Like Me?
If you don’t mind working hard for little pay in the beginning in order to enjoy high pay for little work later, and if you have the patience and perserverance to stick it out then you are exactly the person I am looking for. Because you exhibit the qualities of an entrepreneur. Contact me if this describes you.
Another Ad:
Want to Paint Stories in Your Mind, Like Me?
There’s nothing like a good book to stimulate all your senses.
To touch your heart and stir your soul. Nothing like getting involved
in a story and making it a part of you. If you would like to build
your own personal library and help others grow theirs, contact me.
bookwiseilka@gmail.com
Want to avoid the same mistake I’ve made in Network Marketing?
I realize every day I fail to produce because of being scared, or procrastination, or too busy, I’m losing years of residual income.
Looking for Sales Leader to recruit and train sales reps by introduciing Super Whole Food Nutrition in a capsule that helped me become by feeding my nerves, no drugs. I’m more driven and able to concentrate and produce in my business.
If you know anyone who wants to start producing or might benefit from a product like kindly direct them to me: http://vicky.networkmarketing central.com.
Want to avoid the same mistake I’ve made in Network Marketing?
I realize every day I fail to produce because of being scared, or procrastination, or too busy, I’m losing years of residual income.
Looking for Sales Leader to recruit and train sales reps by introduciing Super Whole Food Nutrition in a capsule that helped me become by feeding my nerves, no drugs. I’m more driven and able to concentrate and produce in my business.
Do you know anyone who wants to start producing or might benefit from a product like that?
If you work in a bookstore like i did…
…and want to spent more time with your kids like i do, then visit my website to find out what i do everyday to earn a career level income working from home.
26years old ex-bookstore clerk from Kilkis,…
…shows young parents at age 25-35, how to spent 2hours more with their kids every day, like i do.
Are you 25-35 and have kids like me?
I am 26 years-old dad from Kilkis, and i show other young parents how to wake up with their kids every morning, in just 3 months.
Visit…www.mywebsite.com
Kim, What do you think?
Please give me your opinion for these 3 ads, i would really appreciate it.
Theodore from Greece
CSI Fan? I’m looking for a few curious people to train as environmental detectives. Email me at santikleen@svtv.com for more information.
Soak Up Superior Nutrition
If you believe your body is a 5-Star hotel, email me at vemma@hughes.net. Bargain basement vitamin hunters need not apply.
(Hope I am not too late!)
Are you looking for good food supplements?
Contact us and see why we are selling our particular product line to discover if it is what you are looking for.
~~~~~
I enjoy working from home – and you could too.
Want to explore this option? Please contact me and we will discuss this venture.
Biz Op ad:
Looking for Someone Like Me
that likes helping people feel better with the use of nutritional supplements. That wants to be their own boss running their business from home. That understands a new biz takes an investment of $$$, time, effort & patience. That’s willing to jump in with both feet to get their biz off the ground. Do you know someone like that? I’m expanding my network marketing biz in your area & looking for qualified candidates, part time ok. Let’s see if we’re a good match. mailto:karenohandley@cox.net
Product ad:
My body needed help
I noticed that the older I got the harder it became to stay healthy. Plus my joints got stiff, swollen & achy. Then I found some products that helped me get healthier & stronger, finally. Now my back, hips, knees & fingers don’t hurt as much. I take these supplements everyday because they help me feel better. Do you know anyone who’d like to know about products like that? Contact Me
I think this might be better.
My Body is Like a Sponge
I soak up liquid nutrition. If you believe your body is a 5-Star hotel, email me vemma@hughes.net Bargain vitamin pill hunters need not contact.
Are you an Underappreciated Overachiever?
Now is your chance to be recognized and rewarded for your achievements. I’m looking for a dynamic woman business leader to partner with in weight loss and anti-aging products business. Overweight candidate desired, but not required, to demonstrate positive product experience. Previous networking, business ownership, or public speaking experience is required. Must be 100% focused and driven to achieve the highest level of success in 6 months or less. Must have $300+ to start with additional cash flow available. Visit my website to review product and business information: http://www.itworksbodymakeover.com. If interested, contact Michelle 24/7 for pre-qualification interview. Serious inquiries only!
My guess is ANY headline with the word “you” in it is NOT about the author…
Dave b: Quite right. Any headline with the word ‘you’ in it is not about the author.
Interesting exercise, huh?
Sales people are VERY focused on telling someone else what they want them to do, be or buy.
This exercise was about describing yourself in the same way the two ads in the post did – the Svedka vodka and the ‘athletic math nerd seeks…’
They so precisely define who they are that only those who hear that call come. The others self-disqualify.
Hehehe.
Recycling Grandma earning free green products is looking for a business partner.
Ilka – book lovers don’t need an explanation why they love to read. Math nerds don’t tell why they love math.
How about just: Book lover/freak/nerd seeks…
Otherwise, you sound like you are selling the value of reading, rather than looking for other book nerds.
Theodore from Greece – there’s no spark to your ads – too general to catch someone’s interest. 🙂
Sorry. I missed the part about not saying anything about them. How about Obsessive Compulsive Overachiever Seeks Obsessive Compulsive Overachiever (LOL)
Michelle – say, actually, right on. Just need to add what you want the person for for – I bet not to hum Seinfeld intro music with, right?
Nope – never been a Seinfeld fan. I want lots of things. But mostly someone who is really serious about getting to the top fast like me and willing to do what it takes to get there like me. I’m more than halfway there in my 3rd month and I’ll be at the top in the next 2-3 months and I want someone just like me who can and will do what I’m doing…or more.
Some Ideas?
Obsessive Compulsive Overachiever Seeks Obsessive Compulsive Overachiever…
…for business partnership.
…entrpreneurial venture.
…to mentor to the top position in company.
…to mentor to the top position in weight loss/anti-aging company in 6 months or less.
…to overachieve their way to the top.
…to partner with to overachieve their way to the top in less than 6 months.
Rest of ad…
Are you an underappreciated overachiever like I was? Now is your chance to be recognized and rewarded for your achievements. I’m looking for a dynamic woman business leader to partner with in weight loss and anti-aging products business. Overweight candidate desired, but not required, to demonstrate positive product experience. Previous networking, business ownership, or public speaking experience is required. Must be 100% focused and driven to achieve the highest level of success in 6 months or less. Must have $300+ to start with additional cash flow available. Visit my website to review product and business information: http://www.itworksbodymakeover.com. If interested, contact Michelle 24/7 for pre-qualification interview. Serious inquiries only!
???