Here are four characteristics of a people-pleaser (more here):
“I try to be who someone wants me to be.”
“It is hard for me to know what I want.”
“I avoid speaking my mind.”
“It is difficult for me to say No.”
Are you a people-pleaser in your business? Do you spend your time trying to meet the needs of others? People who promote this approach usually talk about how find out what others need (like the FORM method), and then tell the recruits to offer their business to meet that need.
Have you tried it?
Not easy. Yes, it does sound good at first…But do you really want to be in the business of pleasing others?
If so, prepare to be disappointed on a grand scale. I’ve learned that I can never please most people. Have you discovered this too?
So I don’t have that as my primary business or personal goal. I’ve opted to be who I am, develop that and offer that. Let the chips fall where they may.
You can never please all of the people anyway, can you? And if you are too hesitant to speak your own mind about something that matters, why would others follow you (or your advice) anyway?
So why not just be who you are and lead with that? What if someone says, “Yes, that sounds like me. Tell me more!”
Am I being too hard? Your thoughts?
Hi Kim,
As usual, you have hit the nail on the head. So often I feel like I am grasping at straws, and then I read your stuff and it’s like the “I could have had V-8” commercial. I say to myself “I could have (should have) done it the Kim Klaver way.”
I think sometimes I am so afraid to hear “no” that I will do anything to get a “yes.” And we all know where that gets us. Back at square one with a lot of time wasted.
I like the “be who you are” approach. It makes so much sense. And no, Kim, you are not being too hard. You are telling us what we need to hear.
Thank you for caring.
Marti
No,you are not being hard at all! If you get someone into the business on the basis of trying to please them, you will always be trying to please them. You will find yourself trying to please them whenever they come to you with their problems and reasons why they can’t sell the product (or talk to people or train). Better to look for and start out with someone who sees your vision and customizes it to fit their life. Then they will be motivated to please themselves and their own goals.
“People Pleaser”, “Someone who doesn’t like to Make Waves”, “Non-Confrontational” that sums me up pretty well. I dislike to have people irritated with me, I hate when people make me feel like I have done something wrong, I wish I had all the right words the first time.
Guess what? I don’t think I am alone. The great thing is with Kim’s advice on being who I am, finding that balance in relationship marketing, and calling out their name; I can just be me. With this type of marketing in our business we can relax and let people make their choice to follow us or not. It actually lets your potential customer relax too which I find leads to a better relationship and on to a future sale!
Just being me,
Nancy Carlson
http://www.perfectmombusiness.com
Kim,
This is really something to consider. Being considerate and cooperative is great. If you try too hard to please others though, you’ll end up running in circles, pleasing no one and giving the perception that you have no mind of your own.
Brenda Bunney
405-612-0473
networkmarketingsuccessbunney.blogspot.com
http://BrendaBunneyMLM.com
brendabunney@yahoo.com
Hi Kim,
Yes this makes perfect sense to me. I don’t tend to be a complete people pleaser. It seems like there is a fine line here though because you do have to have some give and take for a relationship to work, otherwise you could end up in the category of being the controller.
I appreciate the link to the article on people pleasing that is very good to expound upon the information around people pleasing.
Great post Kim.
Regards,
Erin
That is so true. I used to live that way and found out it made me sick. I have to be me and I believe that people want to know who you really are. Now, I show interest but not concern for their interests. People have to care about themselves and their needs. You cannot do it for them. I just tell them what the product does for me and if they can relate to that need, great. Just like Kim tells us.
Hey, I hate to leave another comment, but I love what Marti and Eunice both said. As human beings we hate to hear the word “No”, so we try to please everyone and if you start off pleasing your prospects just to get them, you will be forced to please them to retain them!
Both those comments were just awesome!
Greetings to all,
Are you open to a counterpoint? One could argue that ‘being who you are and looking only for others like yourself’ is looking for duplication, something that is often disrespected on these blogs.
FORM on the other hand, is an attempt to find out what is impt to someone and if you have a match, let them know. It’s not pandering or insincere, it is being willing to supply their need instead of blowing them off if they are not just a duplicate of you.
The values and attitudes of the associate are overriding factors whether we are using old or new school methods.
I’m looking forward to tearing into my New School mp3 pkge, delivered this morning. If it is as good as the rest of Kims’ material, it’s good!
All the best,
glennjaffas@prepaidlegal.com
Kim,
I used to be a people pleaser. I always wanted to do what’s best for the other person. That is not easy. As you correctly stated, we can’t please everyone.
Also, what I found is, that trying to please everyone else made me feel weak. Most of the time it wasn’t at all what I wanted for myself. There was this little person inside of me that kept saying, “stand up for yourself!”, but I still tried to please.
As I said, that’s how I used to be. Now I’m much better at this. I’m standing up for myself and I do speak my mind. I have found that people respect me much more. That has greatly improved my self confidence and I am not afraid to say “no” anymore. If it is not right for me as well, then I walk away from it.
Have a great week!
Ilka ;o)
I was at a “coffee” held at someone’s home last Wednesday. I did not know any of the guests and barely knew the hostess.
Before going I had prepared a “gift” for the hostess (my products).
When leaving I brought it out. And,
as we were looking into the goodie bag I had put together,the hostess said, “I really loved that body serum & lotion (which she had purchased in Dec). Then she said, “I’m a noxzema girl, since my teenage years, and I use Lancome”.
I smiled and replied, “Well, you’ll never change that, you’ll always be a noxzema girl.” She laughed then said, Yes, but I have wanted to try your creams for after I wash with the noxzema.
And in her gift bag was a sample of eye cream, day moisture, night recover,along with Detox tea bags, body cleanser,etc.
I did not know she was a noxzema girl,had only met her a few months ago, but I immediately recognized that I could not change her use of noxzema. She’s almost 60 years old.
She loves her noxzema!
And by the way, this hostess had homemade sconce,served with clotted cream, sticky buns, fresh fruit, fresh squeezed juice, tea and coffee. mmmmm, so fabulous!
I was being me, honest,straight-
forward, thoughtful,etc. and it was a very pleasant experience.
This is why Kim keeps telling us to be who we are. It works.
Am I a people pleaser? Is my name Peggy?? (Well, technically, it isn’t but we won’t go there*.)
My point is yes, deep down I don’t like people to not like me so I don’t (deliberately) do things that will cause a rift, etc. Is that good? Not always for sure.
Am I always going to be like this? To a certain degree, yes. BUT as I mature (won’t use the word age) I am learning, albeit slowly, to become more confident in who I am and be less defensive. I’m learning – with the help of my son – to smile and nod more.
And this is all good.
(*Technically my name is Margaret but only the Government and official things like that get to call me that. Besides Margaret from Morcupine…. Doesn’t work.)
Several people commented that as human beings we don’t like hearing “no” and we oftentimes tend to do things to avoid that.
Now if we turn this around, it becomes obvious that for our success, it’s important to say “no” first. Why? Other people don’t like hearing that either so they will trip over themselves to get you to say yes.
And lest we forget “say no first” is one of the cornerstones of the New School. So now we know why it works.
-Alex
Network Marketing Heroes
Alex wrote:
“Now if we turn this around, it becomes obvious that for our success, it’s important to say “no” first. Why? Other people don’t like hearing that either so they will trip over themselves to get you to say yes.”
With all due respect, I don’t think that’s what Kim is after.
You are talking about reverse psychology, did I read you right?
The whole idea, as far as I get it,
is to stop twisting ourselves into manipulative sales pretzles and be totally straight.
Do you really want your prospects
tripping over themselves? I want mine to stand up straight, and walk over to me because they want what I have. And they have just found out about it because we have much in common. No sales tactics, no straight or reverse psychology, just plain honesty. What a concept!
I guess I am guilty of this at times, but I try not to be this way. These comments are all right on. I think I already learned my most recent lesson of this because it is true, if you accommodated someone to try to please them… you find yourself having to continue to please them to keep them.