Heads up: read this in a quiet moment.
We’ve had lots of conversations here about telling the truth.
The truth is not however, as easily definable or as objective as it might look. While we’ll assume that no one here sets out to tell bald-faced lies, the truth in the rest of what we say is up for grabs. Here’s why.
Life’s moving so fast that most of us are barely aware of the words we use. When we’re in our persuading mode especially, what do we say? Whatever we think sounds best or whatever puts the best spin on it.
We might for example tell a dying loved one, “Honey, it/you will be allright…” (But do we know for sure?) Or if we want someone to take action, “Oh it’s not that hard…” (How do we know what’s hard for them?) or “If I can do it, you can…” (we all know from the dead bodies all around how true that is – not.)
How about the old fear-of-loss routine – “The train is leaving the station – are you on it or not?”… “Others are making big money – you getting your share?” Or “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – like Microsoft or Google – are you going to miss it?” Etc.
All these words, which most of us have heard often and just repeat mindlessly to prospects (and ourselves), are all designed to persuade. Only we have NO CLUE if any of it’s true or not. No one can tell the future for sure, but we talk like we can.
People also withhold information. “Lulu, for just $19.95 you can get in on the best opportunity in the world!”
We all know it takes a lot more than $19.95 to get a business off the ground. But $19.95 sounds good, and they do need to pay that for the application.
The second meeting with Lulu? “Oh, well of course you need some product, and the more you get, the higher the commission you’ll earn, let me show you. $200 gets you X% commission level, and $500 gets you Y%,…etc.”
And so it goes – the rest of the story is revealed, little by little, until Lulu’s in the business. Then she’s told she’s not committed enough, lacks the big vision, and anyway, why isn’t she doing anything? And the cycle starts again. Julie, now tells her new person – “It’s easy, anyone can do it…The product sells itself, blah blah blah blah blah.”
Are humans are just wired to put the best face on things we can? That’s inspiring sometimes, but dangerously misleading, others.
I’d guess that most people in NM aren’t even aware of the words they’re using – until someone calls them on it…
“Easy? Oh really! Is it easy for you?” Err…hmm…
“Did you make big money fast? How much?” Ahh, well, you see..
“What happened with your friends and family? Did everyone really buy the product (has it sold itself for you?)” Well, actually, umm… Etc.
This is not anything new…it’s an ancient…
2500 years ago, the Buddha realized the difficulty of human truth-telling. Here’s what he suggested, specifically for this issue – it’s the second of his “eight-fold path.” (from Buddhism, Huston Smith):
“Right speech…is a switch that controls our lives. Our first task is to become aware of our speech and what it reveals about our character. Instead of resolving to speak nothing but the truth – a resolve that is likely to prove inneffective at the outset because it is too advanced (emphasis added -kk) – we will do well to start further back by trying to notice now many times during the day we deviate from the truth, and to follow this up by asking why you did so.
“Similarly with uncharitable speech. We begin not by resolving never to speak an unkind word, but by watching our speech to become aware of the motives that prompt unkindness. What flabbiness in our character do we need to protect by this deviation from the truth?
“After this first step has been reasonably mastered, we will be ready to try some changes. The ground will have been prepared, for once we become aware of how we do talk, the need for changes will become evident…
“In what direction should the changes proceed? First, toward veracity. The Buddha considered deceit more foolish than evil. It is foolish because it reduces one’s being.
“Why do we deceive? Behind the rationalizations, the motive is almost always fear of revealing to others or to ourselves what we really are…To expect that we can dispense with our defenses at a stroke would be unrealistic, but it is possible to become progressively aware of [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][our words] and to recognize the ways in which they hem us in.”
Given this masterful advice, perhaps as a first step, we can take the Buddha’s advice and become more aware of the words we use when we’re persuading or selling.
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I COMPLETELY agree! You start the day thinking you’ll do the best, be the best, say the best, but at the end you realize maybe you didn’t always. I’m sure many of the MLMer’s see they themselves occasionally falling into these traps.
I disagree that the first step is to become aware of what you’re saying. I think the first step is to become aware of what your trainer is teaching you,(whether it is a parent/child, boss/employee or sponser/downline relationship).
Then watch your personal speech using the good they had and eliminating the bad.
On a related subject. Kim with all the “bad rap” USANA is getting from other sources, maybe you should take a moment to highlight someone in USANA who is doing it RIGHT!
Eric Linscheid leads with product, using a modified version of your script and in April sold 50 RESET kits (a 5 day fiber cleanse) in one week.
His script says “I’m getting a group of 10 people together who want to lose their cravings or shed a few pounds” Total fact no promises. There is a group, and that’s what they hope to accomplish.
In my opinion his follow up scripts are equally non-promise filled.
I’d love to have anyone’s comments on them….here’s the script link
http://www.integritas-group.com/drills/drill_training_product.pdf
We have all heard this over the years and I do my best NOT to say social networking is easy. It is a business and a business is never easy in the beginning. It takes time and education. We go to college for 4 years barely getting by knowing in the end we can get a better job but we have to learn the skills first. Then the money still doesn’t truely come for another 12-24 months. For someone to say you can join a million dollar business may not be the wrong thing to say but saying it is easy is wrong. Thank you Kim.
It is great advice not just in the business sense but in life. How do we typically answer the question “how are you doing?”….” great” ” not bad” …. No one hears that because everyone says it. If we start thinking about how we communicate we will choose words more wisely. Kim has taught me to tell why I love the product I sell. Saying “I love it” is non descript, what does that mean? Now I state why I love this product because of its great scent, but that scent doesn’t stick with me so I smell like a I just shower. I use her advice in all areas of my life now.
To each why, when, what, how question be careful as to how you answer it.
Here’s to better communication,
Nancy Carlson @NMC
http://www.perfectmombusiness.com
What a timely read for me today. Thanks for sending it. It isn’t that I don’t try to be truthful, it is pointing out the reasons we are not–and it is so right on.
Carolyne
Thanks, guys.
Marian – the reason the Buddha suggests being aware of your own words is because that is all you can control.
You can be aware of what others say too, and note when the promises start…
Just as with all else in life, the first step to positive change is realizing and accepting that you are doing something.
Thanks for all you do Kim!
Nicole Bandes
Relationship Marketing Squidoo Lens
Ah, the human tongue. A small organ made of a few muscles and few glands and a bunch of taste buds. Such mischief and troubles does the tongue create. Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze. – James 3:5. How many times have we said something that just didn’t come out right or had a ‘slip of the tongue?’ It could’ve been just a little phrase or even a single ill-chosen word. The damage was done and it took much time and effort to repair the relationship.
This applies to our presentation of our product or business. We could be going along just fine, no hype, no promises, no lies. Then the prospect expresses interest and even a bit of excitement. Uh oh, now we’re in trouble. We get excited. Our emotions start having more impact on our speech and the exaggerations sneak in. Excitement builds. The promises and lies start pouring out. As the words pour forth from our mouth, the dynamic changes. Our prospect leans back. She looks at her watch. We lost her. Then we realize what happened, but it’s too late. The damage to the presentation and the relationship has been done.
How do we prevent this from happening? By practicing and thinking. Practice saying key phrases. Roll play with a few people. Think about what your thinking about. Slow down your response time. Have a thoughtful pause before responding. This takes practice. As Kim said, in this fast paced life, we talk before we think. Do it the other way around, think then respond.
Be patient. Learning how to converse better takes time and effort. Constantly practice regardless of the subject matter. Think about what you’re thinking about. Your thoughts become your words.
Connelly
Kim,
Thanks for posting this, for meditation and consideration and for the question…
All does need a quiet place…
The answer and commitment on the deeper level for me is to become more aware not only when persuading and selling but in my daily relationship life, with myself and others…
Happy Heart Day,
Carolyn
Hi Kim,
Thanks for writing this. It reminds me of all the times such things have been said to me, and I felt pressure to use them in my own speech to others.
I am more and more convinced that we humans are ‘herd’ animals, seeking validation and protection within groups. It takes courage and moment-by-moment awareness to monitor what comes out of our mouths . . . making sure this is truly the words and meaning we intend. It is all to easy to be parrots! 🙂
This is a tough one to address, to know where it begins and how to address it…
We are bombarded daily, through a multitude of sources, with deceit and quite often flat out lies. It comes from companies – MLM or not, our communities, families and our own government.
I personally am sick and tired of it. I feel like we’re living in a sea of deceit, like it or not, regardless of what company or business we’re in or work for.
The part about it that I find scary is that it is accepted… accepted more widely “if” it doesn’t come out of the mouth of a salesperson or a NM person. I can sit here and watch the news and pick out the parts that have been manipulated and/or that I know are flat out deceitful.
Have we been “conditioned” that deeply to be more accepting of lies coming from some mouths than others???
It makes me wonder…
Why are we more tolerant of deceit coming out of the mouth of, let’s say, our own government than we are of a NM person who says “the product sells itself.” Which in my mind is a whole lot less harmful than some of the other stuff being flung around out there.
This is not at all to defend any of the corporate language or to drag politics into the scene. It just makes me wonder… where is the equality, rational thinking and consistancy in values???
In my mind, it’s not just NM people who need to clean up their act, it’s the whole lot of them. I’m appalled by the example many out there are setting. It’s a poor example for us and for our kids.
I think the Buddha’s advice is a good start. What I would add to it is that we also need to learn to get the “ego” out of it so we can stop manipulating everything to suit our presonal agenda.
If we take Kim’s teachings and apply them to us personally it might look something like…
“yup, I said what I did because I wanted to get you to buy into my product/business so I could pay my car loan this month.”
Or…
“yup, I twisted that a little so I could get what I wanted. Not only that but I rationalized it so I could feel better about doing/saying it that way.”
Or…
“yeah, I know I do that, there’s this little shark archetype inside me, I feel like I need to fight for everything I achieve.”
How many of us are willing to look at ourselves objectively and take Kim’s teachings and apply them to our self and not just to how we operate our businesses???
Perhaps, this is where we need to begin so that more significant changes can take place???
Love Connelly’s scenario — oooh, the pain of our unharnessed tongues, sigh.
I was showing product from my previous company to a customer who liked what I told him about it, and when I said, “Would you like me to prove to you that it does that?” he said, “Why? Are you lying to me?” When I responded no, I wouldn’t do that, he said, “Let me give you a piece of advice. Don’t ever answer a question that hasn’t been asked. You’ve already sold me, so stop.” I’m sure he saved me from falling all over myself with excited exaggeration. Whew.
Dianne