FORM – an old time method for breaking the proverbial ice with people when you’re trying to sell your business.
The method: Ask cleverly designed questions about someone’s Family, Occupation, Recreation, or Money. They’re bound to express some dissatisfaction, and when they do you’re ready. Your business is the answer.
“How’s the job? Do you love it?” Or, “Are you taking a month off this summer?” “Do you travel first class?” “Can you afford the things you think your family deserves?” “How’s that tennis game coming? Oh, no time?” Etc.
Underlying FORM is the knowledge that most people feel unhappy and dissatisfied in one or more of these areas in their life.
I had a friend who used to say, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” I was totally taken aback by that expression (and attitude), but many people seem to have it – especially when they start focusing on their disappointments.
That’s of course what the FORM questions are designed to trigger: feelings of dissatisfaction. Whatever the problem is, not enough time, money, trouble at the job – the recruiter has the perfect answer – join their business and your troubles will be over…
The Stones‘ most popular song title says it all:
Is FORM bad or good?
Depends on how you use it. Like nuclear energy. Can be put to good use and bad.
BAD: If your questions are really just a way to make a sale, and you have no authentic interest in the person, you will be perceived in short order as self-seeking.
GOOD: If your questions are genuine, and you’d show an interest in the person even if they did have issues but chose not to do your business, then it’s probably OK.
Ask yourself: Are you asking because you genuinely care, or is it self-seeking asking you’re doing?
It’s hard to fake authentic caring for long.
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What if you could learn to tell your story so you can amaze and delight your customer niche: Here’s a book and CD program to help. And here’s help for talking in a human voice about your business – a CD set and cribsheet .
>It’s hard to fake authentic caring for long.
Absolutely. So why even bother? It’s absolutely not essential to a deal.
Probably by no means alone, when I buy stuff I’m looking for service – quality, efficiency and value. And that’s what I get when dealing with real professionals – medics, lawyers, hookers, dope dealers, assassins etcetera.
There’s usually ‘no chumminess’ – we’re there for commerce and often don’t give a rat’s ass about each other. If a relationship develops naturally, over time, that’s a bonus. (And ‘naturally, over time’ can happen almost instantly.)
And, being honest, most of the places where we buy anything – newspapers, groceries, whatever – operate similarly… neither of us care too much (and sometimes not at all) about the other. We’re just there to buy/sell something.
[An entirely oblique example, consider the respect that often develops bewteen prison guard and con.]
But, in the ‘looking glass world of NM’ things are artifically skewed. We’re told (by people who know better – usually coaches and others who swallowed that stuff) that this ‘special’ business is all about ‘people and relationships’. Crap. It’s not.
The smarter businesses develop an edge where people genuinely like them – as examples I’ll use Newman’s Own and Apple. I’ll happily buy their stuff without expecting Butch Cassidy or Steve Jobs to ask how I’m doing.
So please, let’s drop the entirely unnatural and contrived ‘great to meet you, have a nice day’ routine. In addition to ‘absolutely not essential to a deal’ it’s often a hindrance – fakery (which so many times it is) will turn ’em off.
Hmm, I must say I’d have to disagree a bit – I DO care about people I buy from, when the thing I am buying matters to me and when it’s something I’m buying based on the recommendation of someone. E.g. a new tennis racquet or organic stuff from the local organic farmers. I don’t buy from people I don’t care for. There are others there I LOVE to talk to…
Perhaps for certain things it doesn’t matter, like buying laundry detergent – the personal touch is not of much matter – but even there, I go to Whole Foods to buy – a statement in itself.
To each his own in buying, I suppose.
The point here was that the specific FORM approach is being used as a way for people to introduce the business on a personal level to each other.
Which is why faking authenticity matters, since so many use it as a sales technique, and why being authentic and genuine with personal contacts can get a person to at least try the product.
Constructive disagreement is good…
Ultimately, it comes down to professional expertise… when you walk up to the cosmetic counter in Neiman, would you rather someone who makes you feel good – or someone who helps you look good?
The interesting thing about FORM is that the subjects it covers are subjects that usually / always come up in everyday conversations, right?
So FORM doesn’t really have to be used in a manipulative way, however, can be a reminder to us as to what is important in people’s lives.
It took me awhile to stop using FORM as a way of controlling the conversation or getting what I wanted. I was always looking for a chance to pounce. Not the right agenda. And I knew it and was uncomfortable.
Now I am guided by what naturally comes up in the conversations and FORM is always there. I now just see where the conversation takes me as opposed to where I want the conversation to go.
Yes, I have an AGENDA. However, it is one of seeing if I can spot a need and an opportunity to solve a problem that helps the other person get what it is they want in life.
It’s always their lead. I just follow with my questions. And so that I don’t sound like a cop, I make sure I do some sharing as well on the subject that interests the other person…(very little sharing that is)… e.g. his son plays little league, my son played College Hockey etc. then the attention is back on the other person.
If I never make a sale, so be it…..I have started to build a quality relationship…That is where our sales eventually come from.
Patience is a virtue. When we show enough interest in the other person, and ask the right questions, they will tell us how to help them.
More times than not, they will eventually ask us the Sixty Million Dollar Question.
“What do you do?” Well, maybe I do have somewhat of an agenda…..:o).
Dedicated to a better life for you.
Dr. Herb Oliver…….”Mentor Dr”
mentordr@earthlink.net
Oh, my! I couldn’t disagree more with Gulliver. NM is a partnership with your downline. If I’m looking for a business partner, I DON’T want someone who doesn’t care about me. And I don’t want to work with someone about whom I don’t care.
I have been in business partnerships where the relationship didn’t work. And that meant that the business didn’t work either.
Even if it’s just a sales/customer relationship, if I’m not treated with some modicum of interest by the clerk, I’m going to think twice about ever going in that store again. If I’m treated with interest, I’ll go out of my way to shop there.
And my law clients come to me because I’m interested in them. I don’t take cases where that interest is missing.
And I confess that my immediate reaction was that whatever Gulliver is selling, I want no part of.
Marsha, all Gulliver is saying is that results are more important than warm fuzzies. I’d rather have a competent problem solver fill my needs as a consumer than in incompetent one that wants to be buddies first, that is often downright weird, and here is the clincher: most of the time when a marketer is using FORM, it is 100% manipulative in intent. As Kim stated, the problem isn’t FORM as a tool, the problem is the attitude/intent of the utilizer.
glennjaffas@prepaidlegal.com
I think we all agree that fake gushing and fake warmth is a turn off. I expect men are less tolerant of it than women.
Still the FORM approach, because of how it’s taught, encourages such behavior, hence its bad name. Plus it’s taught as something to do “to” friends and contacts. Yikes.
Faking friendships or friendliness at the gym and soccer games to make sales, that is the problem – and at both ends. Networkers are sick of doing it, and their contacts don’t want to be at the other end of it.
Whether or not FORM is good or bad depends on how it is used and how it is taught. If it is used for manipulation, it is bad.
I like the way Bob Burg teaches it in his book “Endless Referrals.” In his book he teaches FORM as a way to find something positive to talk about, instead of finding the other person’s pain. When you ask people about positive things in their life, they begin to know you, like you, and trust you which may or may not lead to a business relationship. Your chances, however, are much better that it will, and if it doesn’t they will be more likely to give you a referral.
I highly recommend Bob Burg’s book. It is not a book about network marketing, but it can be applied to NM.
Marsha, my gut reaction to Gulliver’s POV is revulsion and shock, although I guess that’s my naiveté. I’m glad to see in black and white that some feel that way about ANY sales folk. It would explain a lot of my hard-knot-in-stomach reactions that I can never quite put my finger on about some people/prospects.
We don’t share core values, so these are not prospects I care to cultivate consciously, although I’ve stumbled into a few. The working relationship is shallow and unrewarding to me, emotionally and financially. IME, they never respect me enough to call me about a problem–they just drop the membership and then refuse to answer my calls to find out what happened.
WHY some folks ARE like that is not our issue–their shrink’s problem. They still need people like us to care about them and fill their needs with our products and services, but we must do it differently. They don’t have deep capacities for relationship and overtures toward that end seem to irritate them. You may never know why they buy, but you’ll likely find out IF they’re going to buy fairly quickly. Efficient in one sense, but to me, deeply unsatisfying. I cannot on God’s green earth EVER fathom why somebody would pay for sex and reduce a beautiful thing to a business transaction. Frankly, I don’t even want my mind to go there and I do not want customers with that mindset. They won’t appreciate me or what I have to offer.
As for me, in every area of my life that is possible, I DO cultivate friendships–or at least warm relationships–with as many service providers as possible. I even go to the same checker at Wal-mart if at all possible. I ask about her kids and crazy BF, and she asks about whatever she remembers about me. I enjoy small town camaraderie and business relationships built on mutual respect, regard and trust. I want to buy my tomatoes from the dude who grew them. Those who feel the same way are attracted to me. To the others, I suppose I simply look stupid and intrusive. What some folks perceive as active interest in them as a marvelously unique human being, others consider invading their privacy and annoying. That’s good to know.
I consider MYSELF a problem solver and try to perform as one. I use FORM only as a mental checklist, as a diagnostic tool to see if I’ve scoped out all possible problem areas in the life of someone. I wear my Pre-Paid Legal Services pin to remind those who know me of what I do–in case they’re ready to talk. It’s a subtle ice breaker for those I’ve just met. I don’t see myself as creating unhappiness at all, and I hope I’m not! I try to find out where it hurts…IF it hurts…and find a way to fix it. Sure, if it’s anywhere near a legal problem, I’m on it like white on rice. I don’t want any of “the little guys” within the sound of my voice to lose his/her butt like I did over legal fees.
I have utilized FORM successfully for many years, before I even knew what network marketing was. I was taught it as a way to engage new people, to learn about them and be able to initiate conversations with people I’d never met before.
Once I became involved in NM, I continued to meet people using this technique. But I’ve never pounced; I sort. If, within the conversation I discover something that could be of benefit from what I have to offer, I call them a day or two later, and say something like “…when you mentioned ___, it got me to thinking, would you ____, etc.”
If I discover within the first conversation that this person isn’t in the right posture, timing, situation, mental/emotional perspective, or I don’t think I would be comfortable enough with this person’s particular personality style to suggest working together with them, I simply continue with the conversation for the sake of knowing another person and leave it at that.
Very few people have a pathology that makes them avoidable at all costs; some people have perspectives that are diametrically opposed to my own; most people are interesting in some way, and enjoyable to talk with even if I never see them again.
I meet new people and speak to new people as often as I can, because I get some positive hit out of it, even if it is only just the opportunity to connect for a minute. It is always a bright moment in my day.
FORM has been a good tool to promote that.
YES…..you can make a sale using FORM. However, the walk away income is directionally proportional to the quality of the relationships and the results of the products….
My vote is on not using FORM the way it has been taught and used since the beginning of MLM……You can use it, however as in my previous post,,,in a different way.
Business success is about creating and keeping customers…..and I might add……..in an efficient way.
Dedicated to a better life for you.
Dr. Herb Oliver……..Mentor Dr.
mentordr@earthlink.net
I believe Tim Sales said it best when he said the only reason we talk to other person when we are prospecting for business partners is to make their life better.
I see the tool call FORM as just that a tool which can work well or not.
Now to Gulliver. Based on his comments I don’t believe he gets Network Marketing. It sounds like he is applying beliefs he could have learned in his deal making with real professionals and I quote, medics, lawyers, hookers, dope dealers, assassins etcetera, end of quote. I’m assuming he is speaking from personal experience and not just off the top of his head.
Gulliver simply does not get the heart and soul of network marketing and for me to spend any more time on Gulliver is not in my best interest.
It’s kind of like what Jesus did with the mockers and scoffers, he dusted his sandals off, went to the next village found new people to talk to and left the mockers and scoffers behind mocking and scoffing.
Respectfully,
Duane Spears
http://billiondollarrun.com
Maybe it’s because I’ve been around and have sold for so many years, when someone approaches me with FORM pretty much no matter what way they apply it I can smell it a mile away and ultimately find myself thinking… “why don’t they just come out and say what it is they’re selling so I can hear their approach and product and then see if I want to answer questions about if I live in the neighborhood, travel, etc.”
If I don’t like the way they sell it’s not too likely that I will have too much interest that person. And if they’re one of “those kinds of people” I certainly don’t want them knowing where I live or provide them with information on whether I like what I do, etc.
I think the way a person sells says more about them and their personality than they might realize. No matter what they learn from upline or corporate, if it is or not already a quality within them determines whether or not how fake/real, manipulative/honest, boring/fun they are in general.
Kim, you’re the expert here… FORM kind of goes against my grain in a way (I think parts are ok, while others make me cringe). Isn’t there something more effective and freeing (for both parties) to go about NM?
When I hear…
“How’s the job? Do you love it?” Or, “Are you taking a month off this summer?” “Do you travel first class?” “Can you afford the things you think your family deserves?” “How’s that tennis game coming? Oh, no time?” Etc.
It makes me immediately think (and often times run away)… “ok, what’s you’re motive, what do you want from me?”
Personally, I think FORM needs an overhaul.
If I don’t feel like I care about the person, situation or whatever, I don’t ask, tell or sell. I don’t feel that everyone I come in contact with needs to know what I do or why I do it.
I also have days where even if I do care I still don’t tell and sell. I’m intentionally taking the day off. I work hard and smart and as I’m getting older I realize the value that I deserve to have some down time. I’ve actually found that when I am in down mode that people are extremely curious about what I do and will encourage me to tell them, they’re much more persistant.
I guess it’s kind of like the candy store is closed that makes them feel like they just have to have some right now??? Of course I will give in, I’m not going to blow-off a good sale or connection.
Either way in my opinion, FORM needs an overhaul regarldless of whether it’s used well or poorly. It’s just too transparent.
Darn I read Glenn’s comments and felt the need to comment. I guess that is what blogging is all about, sharing our views no matter how silly they may be. Yes, I know sometimes my views are silly.
Glenn said, “all Gulliver is saying is that results are more important than warm fuzzies. I’d rather have a competent problem solver fill my needs as a consumer than in incompetent one that wants to be buddies first…”
I believe in Network Marketing, especially if you are distributing products that work independent of the knowledge of the Network Marketer or even the consumer then the relationship becomes the most important factor in building a large organization.
All I have to do is take my products based on what the instructions are on the label and they work. I trust my company to hire the best employees to handle all the problems that comes with creating products that are efficacious.
That is the beauty of network marketing, you can be an 18 year old kid fresh out of high school or a retired grandmother who was a nuclear physicist and they both can build a highly profitable network marketing business without any real specific knowledge concerning their respective products. The person who has built or has the ability to built strong relationship where there is trust and confidence in the person not his specific product knowledge generally earns the most money in NW.
Now what I just said may not completely apply to PrePaid Legal. I don’t know.
Bottom line is … our business is NOT the answer to anyone’s pain.
Just be real.
Wendy
It seems to me, again, that we NMers make things hard that should be relatively simple.
For those who have read anything about personalities, gulliver is definitely a “Choleric” or “Red” (from the modern day version) which says it all.
FORM = finding what is comfortable for you to say. Remember, no more duplicating what others say. Enter Kim’s 3-Script class. Use the model and write something to say that comes naturally for you.
People are different and want different things (maybe that’s where the saying “different strokes for different folks” came from). I, personally, am a warm and fuzzy person, to a point. Yes, I will patronize those places where the salesperson “gives service with a smile” rather than those places where the salesperson acts as if he/she is doing YOU the favor being there (no matter how ‘good’ she can make me look).
Maybe we confuse the meaning of friends with acquaintances. I have millions of acquaintances; yet select my friends. I love people, and at the supermarket we have small talk, how’s the family, etc., etc., but I wouldn’t suggest we ‘go out for dinner’ and neither would she. Our relationship is in perspective.
Caring? Yes. I care about all those people who are taking those prescription drugs and eating foods with pesticides, etc., etc. My ‘thing’ is nutrition, and in addition to suggesting my ‘thing’ I also recommend the vendors in the city who sell organic (from which I make no money).
I think we could all learn from those glorious Tupperware Dealers. Just be nice; show and tell; and ‘network’! 2 x 2 x 2 ???
Venetta
http://www.aloecare4u.blogspot.com
Oh, and gulliver, if you’re hanging out with “medics, lawyers, hookers, dope dealers, assassins, etcetra, etcetra,” there’s no wonder you are cynical. It’s scary to think you consider them the REAL professionals.
You might want to consider giving another group of people a chance. You might find that there are people out there who are really caring, who ARE the REAL professionals, and who CARE about how they make a buck!
Venetta
http://www.aloecare4u.blogspot.com
Kim,
This post certainly has generated a lively discussion and some good points have been raised.
Here’s my thoughts on using “FORM” questions. They are what I call “Background Questions” and their purpose is to connect with the other person and start off the conversation.
Yes, you’re looking to discover if the other person has any problems that you can help them with, either through your business opportunity or products. The problem that comes up all too often is, as you described, that most network marketers jump in at the first opportunity with their solution and “Well you know what you need is…”.
Offering a solution too soon is the #1 cause of objections and rejection in my experience. Instead, it’s better to use the “FORM” questions as a starting point to a genuine conversation to explore the problems that the other person might have and see if you might have a solution. When you’ve thoroughly explored the problem, the other person is much more likely to feel that you understand them and be interested in what you have to offer them.
As important, you’ll realise if it’s even appropriate to introduce your business or products.
In addition, remember the context in which your talking with people. If you’re calling a proper lead, then it’s clear what the purpose of the conversation is. The “FORM” questions serve the purpose of uncovering the background details from where you start the more extensive conversation.
If it’s a more general conversation where the other person is not necessarily looking for a business opportunity, then the purpose of your conversation is to discover if they might be interested. In other words it’s a lead generation exercise. If they do have a potential interest that leads to a further conversation either then or at a more appropriate time.
Of course, not every conversation you have needs to be a lead generation exercise!
Michael Oliver
http://www.NaturalSelling.com
Clearing a few queries raised…
1 > It sounds like he is applying beliefs he could have learned in his deal making with real professionals… I’m assuming he is speaking from personal experience and not just off the top of his head.
Yes, I am.
2 > if you’re hanging out with ‘medics, lawyers, hookers, dope dealers, assassins, etc’
I forgot to mention my mate Roger – a gunrunner, he’s genuinely a really nice guy.
3 > gulliver is definitely a ‘Choleric’… which says it all.
Although I’m assuming that’s meant to be a jibe, I’m encouraged – that archetype has some good qualities.
4 >I don’t believe he gets Network Marketing.
Perhaps. Maybe I get a different variant? One in which, through good business principle & practice, improves the reputation and failure rate of NM.
All things considered… I’ll continue my contrarian and reality-inducing ‘hard line’ in speaking-out for increased awareness & responsibility among the fluffy brigade – the parallels of which are ‘strolling confidently around The Bronx after dark’ versus ‘a cosy dinner evening in The Hamptons’.
5 >It’s scary to think you consider them the REAL professionals.
You can learn a lot from hanging out with gangsters.
I deliberately left out pimps, pornsters, blackmailers and extortionists – all of whom are simply exploitative and hence bad examples. (Besides, I don’t know any pimps or pornsters.)
Those I mention are excellent at getting the job done and, through good business ‘positioning’ practice, have people come to them rather than having to canvass for prospects. (Even the hookers – who have the wisdom to hang out together in specific & known locales… great co-operative marketing.) None of them have the poor reputation of NM-ers.
It’s perhaps ‘positioning’ that’s the vital issue here… master that and there’ll be no need for FORM tactics as you’ll have a willing stream of buyers. (And yes, before anyone levies it again, in this instance I’m again ‘speaking from personal experience and not just off the top of his head’.