Kim Klaver First "Call for Scripts"

“How do I market my product?” “What should I say so they say yes?”

Those seem to be everyone’s favorite questions. I even have a 3-Day course and a book to help people answer it. And there are many more marketing professionals trying to help out.

Still they keep coming from all over with the same urgent question, “Why do they say ‘no’ when it’s such a good product?”

Hmm. Since you ask, let’s answer. Assuming the product being offered is making someone’s life better somehow, what is it that sales people are saying about it in the first 5-6 seconds that seems to turn so many people off?

It’s become a national problem. Opening lines in sales presentations are so bad and come so often that the American people have demanded to not hear them anymore – not via their phones, anyway. We just got the Government to mandate the national Do Not Call List – with 70 milion people signed up already who begged to be on it. Are you one? Apparently, the opening scripts that telemarketers used were just too irritating and stupid for Americans to put up with. Plus they’d call and parrot them at the worst times.

Oh. Don’t blame the telemarketers. They were made to read those scripts.

The dreadful scripts were written by higher-ups who are obviously clueless about what a consumer is willing to listen to. So now we have the Do Not Call List – salespitch relief, if you will. Cell phones are going the same way, I hear.

Maybe a Do Not Speak to Me List is next?

So let’s have a contest. What are the worst sales pitches you’ve heard from someone marketing their wares? What’s the worst one you have uttered yourself? You can submit anything you’ve heard in the industry, or from telemarketers or sales people.

A sales pitch is defined as that first sentence or two (or three) from someone trying to introduce something they’d like you to buy. A bad opening pitch is one which elicits an immdediate glazed look from the listener, impatience or irritation, and they just want the person to go away. They try to hang up as politely as they can, usually. Sometimes they just hang up.

In our business, some people say that “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person, or the right thing to the wrong person.” I have never believed that – certainly not the first part. Sales and marketing people say the wrong thing to the right person all the time. They do it to me often. I’d buy, but not from THAT person. When you ask, those same people then say you just need to talk to more people.

That may be true also. But it won’t help if you keep saying the wrong thing to the right person.

For example, “This is the best product out there.” That’s a pitch, and a wrong thing to say to a normal consumer about your product. There is no absolute best product for everyone. Every consumer knows it. That’s why we have so many different brands – people get to make choices based on their worldview, their personal preferences, budget, etc.

Hearing such a proclamation from someone selling the product comes across as just so much more hype. Why would anyone want to listen to a sales person babble on about how wonderful their product is when we all know they’ll say whatever they have to, to sell it?

People who say these pathetic things (from the consumer’s point of view) have no idea they come across the way they do, of course. They usually believe their own hype. So let’s clue them in.

What are the worst opening sales pitches you have heard or uttered?

Send them in – right here. Use the Comments section at the bottom of this post. Limit it to 50 words or less. Include where you heard it or saw it.

I’ll post what we get over the next 30 days, and we’ll choose the Winner and Runner ups. We will name names if available, to add to the fun. Hehe. Let’s help bring about salespitch relief in our sales and marketing presentations. Think?

P.S. One of the most popular parts of the 3-day 3 scripts class is when we have our “Worst Seller Script” contest. Class members read their initial scripts, and everyone votes on the worst “seller scripts” that people submitted. After reading about a national “worst fiction” contest, I decided to follow their lead and make this a national event. So there you have it.

We’ll describe the principles as we go along, so we can have a “Do Not Say” list of things that are guaranteed to turn off consumers. Maybe we can get the goverment to legislate that list, too. 🙂

| | |
|| ||

About the author

Kim Klaver


  • Here are a few:

    “This is the most impressive financial opportunity in the history of our industry!”

    “No one says no – everyone wants to get involved.”

    From someone selling lead programs: “So, you don’t want to grow your business?”

  • Heard multiple times in the Yahoo Career Corner and Small Business rooms…

    “Anyone here heard of Quixtar?” (or any of the more popular companies…)

    “Who wants to own their own business?”

    “What do you know about this company?”

Leave a Comment