Subject: Economic explanation
Seanie is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin.
In order to increase sales, he decides to allow his loyal customers –
most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. He
keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers
flood into Seanie’s bar. Taking advantage of his customers’ freedom from
immediate payment constraints, Seanie increases his prices for wine and
beer, the most-consumed beverages. His sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank
(Angola Irish Bank) recognizes these customer debts as valuable future
assets and increases Seanie’s borrowing limit.. He sees no reason for
undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these
customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These
securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really
understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are
guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the
securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager
(subsequently of course fired due to his negativity), of the bank
decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts
incurred by the drinkers at Seanie’s bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts. Seanie cannot fulfill his
loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in
price by 99%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after
dropping by 95%.
The suppliers of Seanie’s bar, having granted him generous payment
due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new
situation. His wine supplier claims bankruptcy, his beer supplier is
taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic
round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political
parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax
levied on the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation I understand!..